The purposed of this page is to facilitate searching by providing a digital text for captions encapsulated in illustrations.

Baldung Grien - Death and the Maiden Comparison with Hogarth’s skeleton and ecorche in Marriage a La Mode, The Inspection, Plate III in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Berne Monastry Fresco - Death and the Maiden Comparison with Hogarth’s skeleton and ecorche in Marriage a La Mode, The Inspection, Plate III in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Botticelli – The Birth of Venus Here is something that I would never have known if I had not found Solitary Pleasures on Atrium’s Shelf L’Enfer. Ms Kelly Dennis, Visiting Lecturer at the University of California Santa Cruz, tells us that Botticelli painted in the long tresses on his famous Birth of Venus as a “patently fetishistic” barrier between hand and genitals - just so that we could be sure she was not touching herself. Illustration and article here.

Botticelli - Venus and Mars The National Gallery’s iconic painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Bronzino - An Allegory with Venus and Cupid The National Gallery’s iconic painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Canova – The Three Graces I forgot to say in the caption to the illustration above who’s bottom it is on the cover of Rear View. It belongs to one of the Three Graces, by Canova, now in the Victoria & Albert Museum. When the Sunday Times Culture magazine ran a story about the V & A - guess what they chose to put on the cover. Illustration and article here.

Cellini, Benvenuto - Leda and the Swan With Leda riding cowgirl. Cellini was a favourite of Pope Clement VII and no-one else, probably, could have got away with it. We shall never know how a reverse cowgirl Leda and the Swan as shown here would have been received. Illustration and article here.

Chigago, Judy – The Dinner Party Every dish a different vulva. Illustration and article here.

Clesinger, August - Leda and the Swan Unlike most depictions of the legend the swan is a tergo. With the advantage of his long neck he is still able to administer a beaky kiss, however. Illustration and article here.

Corinth, Lovis - Temptation of St Joseph - I have always maintained that artists, curators, critics and others involved in the art business tend to unintentionally reveal their own sexual preferences in their approach to their work. On the evidence of this picture Lovis Corinth (1858-1925) joins Velazquez and a distinguished BBC presenter as “bottom men” - the first for giving us the sumptuously rear-ended Rokeby Venus, the second for drawing the attention of millions of television viewers to what they might otherwise have missed by describing it as the “most smackable bum in Western Art”. A nice touch here is that the babe is presenting Saint Joseph with a rock with which to beat his breast. Illustration and article here.

Correggio – Leda and the Swan A Stitch-up Leda (National Gallery never in with a shout): Edward Lucie-Smith, who has written extensively on erotic art (and who I always think of as Erotic Art Finder General) describes this picture as “exceedingly explicit” and says that the swan’s neck and body are a “scarcely veiled allusion to the penis and testicles”. I do not agree with this because I see the swan’s position as one of foreplay and he cannot help his shape. To be noted is the unusually adolescent Cupid - something of a speciality of Correggio’s and there seems to me to be a definite scrotal look about him. A similarly laddish Cupid is in attendance on the same artist’s Danae. Correggio’s Leda picture has an interesting history. In the early part of the 18th century a former owner - Louis, Duke of Orleans - was so disgusted with it that he ordered Leda’s face to be destroyed. A hundred years later it was painted back in by a German artist. My theory is that the Duke fancied the Cupid and was jealous of Leda. Another missionary Leda by Veronese is surely beyond foreplay. Caught in the act of insemination, more like. Illustration and article here.

Correggio - Venus with Mercury and Cupid The National Gallery’s iconic painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Courbet - Origin of the World My introduction to other people’s erotic art came from a book on Atrium’s shelf L’Enfer about an exhibition at the Quai d’Orsay in Paris. At its heart was the museum’s own Origin of the World by Courbet. The National Gallery’s nine Courbet’s are not worth a row of beans. Illustration and article here.

Courbet - La Source Illustration and article here.

Cranach the Elder - Cupid Complaining to Venus The National Gallery’s iconic painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Crepax, Guido - L’Histoire d’O The National Gallery’s painting of Hogarth’s Bagnio scene from Marriage a La Mode re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery in the manner of a Crepax illustration.Illustration and article here.

Crivelli. Carlo - Saint Peter Martyr. In the National Gallery, an exemplar of the “Happy Porker” syndrome Illustration and article here.

Dali, Salvador - Temptation of St JosephSalvador Dali (1904-89) in a very daliesque take on the Temptation of Saint Joseph. It reminds me of the story of the Jewish vampire who ignores the crucifix that the damsel is waiving in his face and sinks his teeth into her snowy white neck saying: “It’s not your day, Dearie.” Illustration and article here.

Degas - Young Spartan’s Exercising The National Gallery’s iconic painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Deutsch, Niklaus Manuel - Death and the Maiden Comparison with Hogarth’s skeleton and ecorche in Marriage a La Mode, The Inspection, Plate III in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Durer, Albrecht - Temptation of the Idle Doctor - A long time before the French made a business of supplying the world with dirty postcards the German artist Albrecht Durer (1471-1528) set about meeting the huge demand for lascivious pictures for private contemplation by utilising the newly invented engraving process for mass production. Half a millennium goes by and we have the boom in pornography fuelled by the Internet with German websites in the vanguard. It must be something about the cold North European winters. This Durer engraving is called Temptation of the Idle Doctor. The National Gallery has three Durer works that are not worth looking at and which scream Stitch-up! Stitch-up! Stitch-up! as you walk past them. One of the three, coincidentally, is a Saint Jerome with the rock that he used to beat himself in order to get rid of erotic thoughts. To be noted in the Durer engraving are the small breasts on what, by the standards of any generation, is a big girl. Certainly one to put into a Little Black Dress if ever I can find the time. As previously mentioned, the erotic fixation with breasts - qua breasts and not signposts on the way to somewhere else - dates only from the second World War. Illustration and article here.

Durer, Albrecht – Hands in prayer: Said to be derived from the Vesica Piscis. Illustration and article here.

Ferrari, Defendente - Saint Peter Martyr. In the National Gallery, an exemplar of the “Happy Porker” syndrome Illustration and article here.

Fontana, Lucio - Concetto spaziale `Attesa’ , Natura and other works with holes and slits.In the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Giulio Romano - Bacchus and Jupiter Seducing Olympias And finally…The God in the Polyester Suite. Anthony Samuelson introduces Giulio Romano to Robert Mapplethorpe. A penile transplant from Giulio Romano’s Bacchus to Governor Schwarzenegger illustrates the way in which the artists of the Renaissance played down the male reproductive organ for the general market. It was not as though they wanted to do it that way. Pictured right (detail) and below, the same artist’s Olympias seduced by Jupiter. Olympias was the mother of Alexander the Great. The band under her breast is the magic girdle of Venus, guaranteed to make any man or god fall in love with the wearer. Such bands are often mistaken for bras. Venus sometimes lent it out. Illustration and article here.

Giulio Romano and Marcantonio Raimondi – I Modi Position 11 in Giulio Romano’s I modi. In Bette Talvacchia’s Taking Positions she says that when she was researching the engravings at the British Museum they moved her so that she had her back to the wall and would not disturb other researchers! When I first set eyes on this drawing I was on my knees next to the Atrium’s shelf L’Enfer and I knew how how it felt. Illustration and article here.

Hogarth – Before and After, Outdoor and Indoor versions. Illustration and article here.

Hogarth – Marriage a La Mode The National Gallery has three works in its collection depicting the Leda and the Swan legend. One of them is a picture within a picture in La Toilette, the fourth of six paintings in the Horrible Hogarth’s Marriage a La Mode. Jupiter (who else?) comes to the wife of the King of Sparta, Leda, disguised as a swan. She gives birth to two eggs from which are hatched two pairs of twins, one of them - later to be the cause of much mayhem - being the beautiful Helen, Queen of Troy. The National Gallery has the story three times. A picture within a picture (within a salver, if you prefer) so small that you might miss it, so here is the image on the salver in enlarged detail. Illustration and article here.

Hogarth, William, The Horrible - The Inspection, Plate III Marriage a La Mode
In the National Gallery. Illustration and article here.

Hogarth, William, The Horrible - The Shrimp Girl In the National Gallery. Illustration and article here.

Hogarth, the Horrible - The Bagnio scene from Marriage a La Mode The National Gallery’s iconic painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery. Illustration and Article here.

Hogarth, William, The Horrible - La Toilette, Plate IV Marriage a La Mode
In the National Gallery. Illustration and article here. See below for encapsulated text.

The idea, reported by Robert Cowley, that the eagle (Jupiter in disguise) might have penetrated right through young Ganymede from behind is not so far fetched when you think of what Jupiter did to the mortal girl Semele. Her story was one of those told in my (unpublished) Ten Sexiest Moments in Mythology for which Ian Tovey has done the illustrations. Semele did not survive her encounter with the King of the Gods but Ganymede seems to have been more fortunate.Illustration and article here.

A ghetto of foppishness is how Richard Meyer, Professor of Art History at the University of Southern California sees this group of four men on the left hand side of Hogarth’s La Toilette. In a hard-hitting contribution to The Other Hogarth - Aesthetics of Difference (Princeton) he spells out the evidence that shows that Hogarth was giving vent to a personal distaste for the molly culture (in the eighteenth century “molly” was the slang word of choice for a homosexual) and for the public idolation of castrato singers at whose feet women swooned and on whom they bestowed gifts of jewellery and other precious objects. (Never mind that castratos were not necessarily devoid of sexual urges and those sexual urges might well be heterosexual.) Hogarth had no love for foreigners either, and castratos came from Italy and dancing masters (the gent in curlers is one such) came from France. Nor was he enamoured of the moneyed classes’ preference for imported bad taste old master paintings (represented here by the Ganymede) over the work of honest hardworking ingenious English artists. So in this little group there is enough sex and race prejudice - had Hogarth lived in our own time - to have him rotting in jail for the rest of his life.Illustration and article here.

Ganymede, as a result of his abduction by Jupiter disguised as an eagle, became a kind of patron saint to the gay community (not forgetting the regular Saint Sebastian). He is on duty in Hogarth’s picture-within-a-picture which is based on Michelangelo’s drawing. In his role as an unofficial Saint the preferred view is that seen in the National Gallery’s painting by Mazza . It was not by chance that this was the picture chosen as the cover for a book about him.Illustration and article here.

Hogarth’s fourth picture in the Marriage a La Mode series, La Toilette, above, is sometimes called The Levee. Both titles refer to the upper crust custom, in former times, of receiving visitors in one’s bedroom. While having no pretensions to high living myself, I see it as a prerogative of age not to get dressed if I am not going anywhere. Earlier this year the photographer from Saga magazine found me just so (left) when she came to do an article about my Chelsea Flower Show Patio Povera garden. (For the avoidance of doubt, I am not the “Fat Fuck” referred to in the heading to this posting!) Illustration and article here.

Ingres – La Source “Come hither and look at my drooped belly!” - Ingres’ La Source.
Illustration and article here.

Ingres - La Baigneuse Illustration and article here.

Janssens - Ladies and Gentlemen playing La Main Chaude The National Gallery’s painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Limburgh Brothers - The Fall of Eve Illustrating Lord Clark’s phrase “naked as a shrimp” used in his famous book The Nude Illustration and article here.

Limburg Brothers - Around about the 1400’s the three Limburg Brothers brought the art of miniature painting to heights never previously seen. They were ahead of the game in the use of perspective and in the representation of faces. Their clients were very rich ruling ducal families for whom they illuminated private prayer books. Since no one other than the client was going to see their work they were able to let themselves rip when they felt like it. They were fifty years ahead of the rest of the art world in depicting the female breast swelling out from beneath a gown with a low cut neckline. Here is poor old Saint Anthony thinking about the dancing girls of his youth. Illustration and article here.

Limburg Brothers - This second Limburg illustration is even more remarkable because it shows a “Christian” being groped. Not necessarily Saint Joseph or Saint Anthony but it is what they were dreaming about. Groping pictures among the old masters are a distinct art genre, until now unrecognised. There are eight groping images in the National Gallery not counting the Jewish Moslem in the right-way-up Hieronymus Bosch work. One of the gropes is to be found in the third painting in the Horrible Hogarth’s Marriage a la Mode which we will be looking at shortly. The Limburg illumination on the left is especially juicy because she has her knee on his chest to prevent him getting away and she is looking into the distance as she feels for his genitals. As ladies do, do they not? Illustration and article here.

Lippi, Fra Filippo - Saint Peter Martyr. In the National Gallery, an exemplar of the “Happy Porker” syndrome Illustration and article here.

Liss - Judith in the Tent of Holofernes The National Gallery’s painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Mapplethorpe, Robert - The Man in the Polyester Suite And finally…The God in the Polyester Suite. Anthony Samuelson introduces Giulio Romano to Robert Mapplethorpe. Illustration and article here.

Margarito of Arezzo - The Virgin and Child Enthroned Set in a mandorla. In the National GalleryIllustration and article here.

Mazza, Damiano - Rape of Ganymede Bottoms for all tastes. Nothing sells a book like a good picture on the cover. The painting of Ganymede, rent boy to the Gods, being transported to Mount Olympus by Jupiter disguised as an eagle, is - miracle of miracles - in the National Gallery . It dates around 1570 and is by Damiano Mazza. Who? You may well ask. But it’s reckoned the best boy’s bum in Western Art. With the Rokeby Venus and this, bottoms are one area in which the National Gallery can stand tall. Illustration and article here.

Mazza, Damiano - The Rape of Ganymede> featured in The Inspection, Plate III Marriage a La Mode
In the National Gallery. Illustration and article here.

Michelangelo - David Michelangelo’s statue of David in Florence, Italy has oversized hands and an undersized penis. When Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas made its life-sized model of the statue they first covered David’s manhood with a fig leaf. This brought protests from the guests. The casino then removed the fig leaf but the guests still were not satisfied. Further work on the statue gave David a New York sized penis. Everyone now happy and it’s back to the tables. Except, that is, the Jewish Mohels (specialist circumcisers) who do not like to see an uncircumcised penis on a Jewish boy. They worry that the idea might catch on. Illustration and article here.

Michelangelo – Leda and the Swan The National Gallery’s iconic portrayal of Leda, looking very like the dead spacecraft pilot in the first Alien movie. It is by Michelangelo (almost). The original was lost centuries ago and this is a copy. Illustration and article here.

Michelangelo - The Rape of Ganymede> featured in The Inspection, Plate III Marriage a La Mode
In the National Gallery. Illustration and article here.

Mola, Pier Francesco – Leda and the Swan This picture is by, or in the style of Pier Francesco Mola (1612-66). Not that it matters. Note how stylistically similar the three National Gallery Leda depictions are: missionary position, Leda semi-sitting, swan giving her a beaky kiss. Illustration and article here.

Moreau, Gustave - Leda and the Swan Unlike most depictions of the legend the swan is a tergo. With the advantage of his long neck he is still able to administer a beaky kiss, however. Illustration and article here.

Moroni - Chastity The National Gallery’s painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Munch, Edvard - Death and the Maiden Comparison with Hogarth’s skeleton and ecorche in Marriage a La Mode, The Inspection, Plate III in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Perugino, follower of - The Virgin and Child in a Mandorla with Cherubim. In the National GalleryIllustration and article here.

Pot, Hendrick – A Merry Company at Table Brothel scene. Illustration and article here.

Praxiteles - Cnidian Venus Illustrating Lord Clark’s word “dehanchement” used in his famous book The Nude Illustration and article here.

Puvis De Chavannes - Death and the Maidens. Finished version of a preliminary sketch In the National Gallery. It is located in the Clark Institute, Williamstown, Massachusetts. Illustration and article here.

Puvis De Chavannes - Maid dressing a Woman’s Hair National Gallery. Illustration and article here.

Rejlander, Oscar - Photographic study of a nude Illustration and article here.

Rubens - Judgement of Paris The National Gallery’s iconic painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Schalcken, Godfried - Allegory of Virtue and Riches Defloration painting by a Lecher of Leiden. Putti in flagrante. In the National Gallery. Illustration and article here.

Scheffer, Ary - Saints Augustine and Monica
The National Gallery’s Saints Augustine and Monica by Ary Scheffer (1795-1858) was an instant hit with the public not least because one of the great society beauties of the time modelled for the Saint’s mother. What Augustine’s Mom did not know was that her saintly son got an erection every time he saw a beautiful woman. His contemporary Saint Jerome and Saint Anthony who came later were similarly troubled. In their case artists have not hesitated to put paint to canvas to portray the manner of their temptation. Saint Augustine alone has been spared the indignity. Here, with some help from the Limburg brothers, is the “after Scheffer” version of the Temptation of Saint Augustine. Illustration and article here.

Schiavoni, Giorgio - Saint Peter Martyr In the National Gallery, an exemplar of the “Happy Porker” syndrome Illustration and article here.

Schneemann, Carollee – Interior Scroll A feminist diatribe drawn from her vagina. I propose her for an Artist-in-Residency at the National Gallery. Illustration and article here.

Schwarzenegger, Arnold - Photographed in the nude - Applying the Schwarzenegger/Michelangelo penile assessment procedure to the Count (with some e adjustment in Photoshop to his stance) it becomes clear that the Italian illustrator has taken considerable liberties with nature. The wish being further to the thought, perhaps? Michelangelo’s statue of David in Florence, Italy has oversized hands and an undersized penis. When Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas made its life-sized model of the statue they first covered David’s manhood with a fig leaf. This brought protests from the guests. The casino then removed the fig leaf but the guests still were not satisfied. Further work on the statue gave David a New York sized penis. Everyone now happy and it’s back to the tables. Except, that is, the Jewish Mohels (specialist circumcisers) who do not like to see an uncircumcised penis on a Jewish boy. They worry that the idea might catch on. Illustration and article here.

Sebald, Hans - Death and the Maiden Comparison with Hogarth’s skeleton and ecorche in Marriage a La Mode, The Inspection, Plate III in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Sprinkle, Annie– Public Cervix Announcement I propose her for an Artist-in-Residency at the National Gallery. Illustration and article here.

Steenwyck, Hendrick van, the Younger Interior of a Gothic Church looking East In the National GalleryIllustration and article here.

Tiepolo, Giovanni Battista – Vision of Trinity appearing to Pope Saint Clement. Long legged angel, now with suspenders and high heels. Illustration and article here.

Velazquez, Diego - The Rokeby Venus aka The Toilet of Venus aka Venus at her Mirror In the National Gallery Illustration and article here. And another here

Velazquez - The Rokeby Venus The National Gallery’s iconic painting re-interpreted by Ian Tovey for a Anthony Samuelson’s projected Guide to Erotic Art in the National Gallery Illustration and article here.

Wilson, Peta - La Femme Nikita Actress, Angel in suspenders. Illustration and article here.

Prince Charles article illustrations.

Anatomy of a near disaster: This present day satellite eye view from Google Earth shows what can happen when you have a horse running at the Goodwood July Meeting. To see it run you are flying a helicopter to the nearby Goodwood Motor Racing Circuit. A short distance away Prince Charles is having his first training flight from RAF Tangmere. A small navigation error can mean that you are in the same place at the same time. From the article PRINCE CHARLES - HOW OUR PATHS NEARLY CROSSED AND HIS FLYING CAREER WAS NEARLY CUT SHORT. (MINE TOO) posted by Anthony Samuelson which can be found here.

The helicopter that I was flying to Goodwood that fateful day was a Bell 47. It had a distinctive bubble cockpit which became famous as a result of the long running M.A.S.H. television series. I like this illustration of the helicopter in its ambulance configuration because it makes it look more speedy than the facts warrant. With a cruising speed of 73 knots (84mph) it often happened that when following a motorway in a headwind one was being overtaken by every car on the road below - even those in the slow lane! I used to tell people that helicopters screw themselves into the air on quarter inch bolts and only made sense on journeys to islands or over mountains. The bit about the quarter inch bolts was true but the view of their utility disregards the fact that they are the greatest tool ever put into the hands of man for showing off. This was even more so in the late sixties/early seventies when there were only about 100 private pilots and the absence of any instrumented helicopters meant that there was no pilot’s instrument rating and you could fly wherever the big boys went. From the article PRINCE CHARLES - HOW OUR PATHS NEARLY CROSSED AND HIS FLYING CAREER WAS NEARLY CUT SHORT. (MINE TOO) posted by Anthony Samuelson which can be found here.

The horse that I was on my way to see racing at Goodwood was called Sovereign Spitfire. There are some who would say that he was no oil painting but they would be wrong because, to this very day, his portrait in oils hangs in my ex-wife’s sitting room. Probably a Christmas present from me. Also in the picture is our trainer, Tom Gates, of Lewis in Sussex. Both horse and trainer were as genuine as anyone could wish for. Sovereign Spitfire only ever won one race but came second umpteen times. My theory was that he liked to see what was going on. Another theory of mine was that the “glorious uncertainty of racing” that they talk about refered to the reason given by the jockey for the horse not winning. It could be anyone of a dozen things ranging from the state of the going to the distance over which the race had been run. The Goodwood bookmakers were laying long odds against Sovereign Spitfire getting into the frame. From the article PRINCE CHARLES - HOW OUR PATHS NEARLY CROSSED AND HIS FLYING CAREER WAS NEARLY CUT SHORT. (MINE TOO) posted by Anthony Samuelson which can be found here.

The similarities between the Goodwood Motor Racing Circuit (my intended destination) and RAF Tangmere can be judged from an entry in the 1995 edition of Pooley’s Flight Guide (left) and what can be seen on a pilot’s flight map of the same date (right). Even when RAF Tangmere was active there would not have been an entry in Pooley’s. You either knew it was there. Or you didn’t.. From the article PRINCE CHARLES - HOW OUR PATHS NEARLY CROSSED AND HIS FLYING CAREER WAS NEARLY CUT SHORT. (MINE TOO) posted by Anthony Samuelson which can be found here.

A de Havilland Chipmunk single engined two seat trainer of the kind on which both Prince Charles and I learned to fly. I always thought that if you can land a Chipmunk you can land anything but it appears that this might not have been valid for the big jets in the Royal Flight. Prince Charles gave the Chipmunk its Pepysian Moment (see Glossary). So much so that if you google the words chipmunk and “prince charles” 122,000 hits result. From the article PRINCE CHARLES - HOW OUR PATHS NEARLY CROSSED AND HIS FLYING CAREER WAS NEARLY CUT SHORT. (MINE TOO) posted by Anthony Samuelson which can be found here.

Thursday, 1st August 1968. The Times newspaper adds a couple of sentences - as though in an afterthought - to an item about measures to be put in place for the security of the the Prince of Wales at his coming Investiture. The mystery of the Chipmunk trainer overhead RAF Tangmere is solved. Next day a photographer will be on hand and there will be pictures in the newspapers. From the article PRINCE CHARLES - HOW OUR PATHS NEARLY CROSSED AND HIS FLYING CAREER WAS NEARLY CUT SHORT. (MINE TOO) posted by Anthony Samuelson which can be found here.

Sovereign Spitfire was unplaced. The bookmakers were right. Prince Charles and I had risked our lives in vain. From the article PRINCE CHARLES - HOW OUR PATHS NEARLY CROSSED AND HIS FLYING CAREER WAS NEARLY CUT SHORT. (MINE TOO) posted by Anthony Samuelson which can be found here.